Three Cheers to Three Years!

Disclaimer:  what is here is not true in absolute sense but perceived by me and my truth. There is no intention to hurt any beliefs or sentiments.

Three years since I landed in France with my two babies  My girl, 9 years and my little boy , all of 5. It has been a roll a coaster adventure to say the least with my husband not being able to move until months later. I  fell on the road, bought rocket leaves thinking spinach, was sleepless for weeks and my daily exercise was translating tons of necessary documents from French for our everyday life .........and the list goes on. The only target I had for the day is to get through the day still being sane. Three years later, it’s a HUGE transformation in my mind. Without further overwhelming, here is a humble ode to my journey. 

Three years in France and here are my list of threes!

Three top lessons I learnt

1. The foreign country does not score better than my own for purely logical reasons, emotions aside

2. I am an explorer at heart but I still miss home

3. Indian cuisine is grossly underrated and shamelessly  adulterated in this part of the world

Three surprises

1. India is technologically far advanced (Online banking transactions, online Filing of incometax returns, order online food ) 

2. French seems to be “the”  Only language in this world ( Ok fine, just a bit of exaggeration that is but not considerable)  

3. I expected to find esoteric professional competence, I was surprised that in addition to enough learning , there is equally enough to contribute.

Three culture shocks (The basis for all three, the way I perceive is that sharing your time and life with someone you love is important) 

1. The separation percentage of couples

2. Children’s partners moving in with parents without financial independence or formal relationship commitment

3. People looking for companionship / partners at all ages

Three blessings

1.  Mahagathe as a spiritual path and Gurudev Venerable Mahamuni Sritha Mahagatha‘s guidance

2. My close friend, Arati as a transition coach

3. Nikki as my manager

Three immensely helpful people

1. Monica Hajek  - Countless Helps

2. Marine Bracq - helped to hire the first car in the week I landed and gave me first driving lessons in France

3. Shweta - was picking my kids from school when I couldn’t get there in time.

Three biggest moments

1. When Kalyan, my husband got a job in Airbus, France on his own merit ( Since French companies are highly and conservatively protected by labor unions, hiring a foreign national on a local contract is “something”)

2. The trip to Disneyland

3. Having my parents visit France

Three achievements

1. French Driving license

2. Change leading an area I had no clue about 

3. Surviving 8 months Settling in a new country without my Biggest strength, my partner and soulmate

Three life skills

1. Cooking ( Ab cooking se dar nahi Lagta babuji... bahar Khane se lagta hai)

2. Cleaning ( read end to end, the house, the lawn, the garage......the kitchen draws, cobwebs......You know there isn’t an end to this list.)

3. Self Grooming ( If I even had an inkling I had so much potential, I would have saved myself... millions of paisas ;-) and a hell of time)

Three things that weren’t possible in India

1. Super many holidays

2. A walk 10 mins away from home and I can hear nothing but just my breadth

3. Driving my mini cabriole with an open roof and saying  to myself “C’est la Vie _ This is life

I ask myself if I would do it again to go through all the pain and it’s hard to say yes. Have you heard that  “No pain, No gain “ or “Gold Is distilled after a lot of burning and purification” or even “ there is no development without destruction”. It has been worth the pain, the exposure, the pleasure and realizing the value of what India has to offer, would not be possible otherwise..... so it’s a YES......  YES......YES!

Do you mean what you say?

 

I have always been fascinated with Communication, it’s ubiquitous presence whether we are consciously communicating or not and yet our failure at it so often. In all my working years, across cultures, across companies, this topic has never been out of fashion!
Recounting one experience and thoughts from it..

In my HRBP days, with a young first time manager, we were discussing a situation that he encountered in his team. One of his team members was in near tears, explaining a personal situation that came in his way of meeting the project timelines. In the manager’s words “I could see he was lying through his teeth and I didn’t believe a single word of what he was saying”, closely followed by “How do I sound empathetic in this situation?” I heard an imaginable Akashvani “ You don’t seem to even trust him, how can you express empathy which is much farther?” We come across such examples in our everyday life at work , at a coffee shop or with our family where we express or not something and wonder in hind sight what should I have said to have created a desired impact?

When we talk about learning better communication, it needs to start with what am I feeling, if the context relates to exchange of emotions or if it Is a cognitive subject, begin with what is my belief on the topic and how can I express it? Communication represents the branches, the leaves, the flowers and fruits, all external manifestations of a tree. However, these stem from what lies beneath, the seed that has been sowed. If you have a bitter gourd seed within, don’t expect to deliver apples ! 

There is a rather strong connection to acknowledge what’s going on inside before focusing on improving communication skills in isolation. If I am going to negotiate with my customer and want her to believe that it’s win win solution, I would spend considerable time to examine if I really believe in win-win or 80-20. In managing my team, if I do not want to come across as top down , I will take time to reflect if I believe in status orientation or egalitarianism in this context. Those who fake contrary to this may convince some people some of the time but cannot do it consistently with most people most of the time.

In the absence of this clarity and alignment, authenticity and credibility come crashing down and a chase to be an effective communicator will only be a moving target. The bitter gourd or apple essence will linger through what we say, what we do, our questions, comments or even our silence!