What is self discipline? I asked my two children on the dinner table continuing a conversation that seemed to be at loggerheads with the subject.
In the Covid 19, first lockdown Scenario, the unexpected absence of school form, access to new freedom, passing over of screen time tracking and bedtime as the normal was making the adaptation harder.
Back at the table, the silence felt loud, while we all warmed up to engage in the conversation.
The first chance to answer such questions typically goes to the older one who just entered secondary school. She managed to explain the definition as disciplining oneself. “Is it necessary ...why?” I asked. “Without it, I am doing whatever I want.” She said. “Examples...”. She went on to explain the points what she was meant to do, had the potential to do but wasn’t doing on a “regular basis”. For a 11 year old, her maturity made me proud. I wanted to go across the table and give her a tight hug. In contrast, I continued to keep my tone and posture , succumbing to the pressure of acceptable social behavior(as per my reference) to create the right impact in the setting.
Our initial plan was to bring this up only with our daughter and let our second one, a seven year old in his mid primary, observe, listen and learn. As we summarized with her, he seemed to be primed for his turn. He did a good job of absorbing and creatively reproducing what he just heard. Surprisingly, he added that he cannot be self disciplined every moment and every day(pleased again and completely understandable). We all agreed on some means as a regular check if they are following self discipline or not.
Phew! We navigated through that conversation smoothly without remarks like “oh well! our world is different from what you grew up in”, or “Fine ma....but It does’nt work for me” leading the conversation nowhere.
Over the last few days our approach progressed from Instructions to Questions - “Is this a part of self discipline we agreed?” Consequently, it’s a lot less directing, explaining and saving energy from cause and effect of every action. It triggers a non intrusive transition to action against arguments. The success of this conversation narrowly missing a cul-de-sac, stuck me with ease. Do you see it already? If you said equiry... I would say Bingo!
