To Be or To Be

At the moment I am in a special situation. I live in a foreign country and I am employed in an industry that is heavily impacted by the Covid crisis. In all the uncertainty around me about the future, job, role, work and unprecedented transformation in all walks of life, there is the certainty of one thing that I didn’t experience pre covid........that certainty is of time. I have never ever before this experienced time ... in seconds, minutes and hours only in days and months.

For the past few months I haven’t had full working weeks, I worked between two to four days a week but not all five! When I was about to enter this phase, I had this huge excitement and anticipation of ample time ahead of me. Like a child awaiting summer vacation, I created a long list of all that I wanted to do, wanted to learn and wanted to accomplish in this extraordinary leisure that I was going to get. Today over 5 months of that anticipated leisure has gone past, where I didn’t  have to get to office by a certain time, didn’t have to work around the school schedule for children and a steep drop in official meetings. At the end of each week I do not have a sense of accomplishment, in fact sometimes I fight uselessness, as a feeling. I am left with thoughts about what I could have achieved or I would have liked to do with my time,  wondering what I would do if I was in my country, what if I was on my farm....possibly started on the distant agri business dream, how I could possibly help my family’s’ needs relating to their wellness and the list runs long. At some point continuing to look at what I couldn’t do is very exhausting so I decided to look back and say If I haven’t achieved or accomplished lots of things then what did I do at all?

I realized I didn’t accomplish much and that in itself is something big that I achieved in last 20 years of my life. Over the past few months I experienced what it means  when I was not doing much to fill my days with lots of activities. In all the available time, I exercised freely, I meditated by choice, I did not miss any of my dance classes . I met more families regularly than I did before. I spent immense time with my children. I have complete control on my now clean house! I could turn out some delicious traditional dishes that I always outsourced and even started growing herbs. In fact by not doing anything (in my own thinking learning a new professional skill, doing a course or picking up a certification), I found a space to be stress-free, to not be overly anticipating the future and taking each day as it comes. 

Going forward when somebody asks me what have you been up to? I will be lot more comfortable to say I’m doing nothing much these days and then smile to myself because I know what not doing anything really means to me now.

Rome

Three days in Rome on my first ever solo trip was fascinating and fulfilling. I am left with a feeling that ancient Roman Empire was significantly about Power and Politics. The stories of Romulus, Julius Caesar, Cleopatra, Nero, the Trojan war, the history of the Vatican all contributing to this impression. The architecture  is wonderful, the need for luxury is evident. The story of the gladiators  and the entire slavery and social class divisions, women being the second rated citizens in general  was kind of a logic, power, glamour, riches personified with a soul missing. Of course history is created by what is narrated but I heard the same from three different guides and felt it through their stories.

Apart from the history, Rome as a city is beautiful. The food is great, people are extremely friendly and Gelato makes a great dessert for sure. The roads are broad with large pavements giving the impression of the great expanse of the Romans. All buildings seem to have equal number of floors as if the entire city is a well planned, intricately crafted mock up.

Some unexpected moments of the tour include the accidental Thai massage, my wallet soaked in water with my water bottle leaking in my bag, GPS signal failing when I had 10 mins to reach the meeting point for my guided tour and a complete loss of address for another tour, another minute of delay meant I could no longer see the Domus aurea tour. I narrowly escaped losing on one of the better parts of my trip.I discovered John Keats, romanticism as a genre and grotesque as an art form.

All in all, A beautiful time for myself in a gorgeous place! I found the energy in being by myself discovering a new world, with no one around to share with immediately helps to soak all of it yourself.

 Today when Italy is so badly hit with the Corona pandemic ,  I feel extra privileged experiencing a slice of  its beauty, the history and its unique charm.

A test of Self Discipline - Free Rein

What is self discipline? I asked my two children on the dinner table continuing a conversation that seemed to be at loggerheads with the subject.

In the Covid 19, first lockdown Scenario, the unexpected absence of school form, access to new freedom, passing over of screen time tracking and bedtime as the normal was making the adaptation harder. 

Back at the table, the silence felt loud,  while we all warmed up to engage in the conversation.

The first chance to answer such questions typically goes to the older one who just entered secondary school. She managed to explain the definition as disciplining oneself. “Is it necessary ...why?” I asked. “Without it, I am doing whatever I want.” She said. “Examples...”. She went on to explain the points what she was meant to do, had the potential to do but wasn’t doing on a “regular basis”. For a 11 year old, her maturity made me proud. I wanted to go across the table and give her a tight hug. In contrast, I continued to keep my tone and posture , succumbing to the pressure of acceptable social behavior(as per my reference) to create the right impact in the setting.

Our initial plan was to bring this up only with our daughter and let our second one, a seven year old in his mid primary, observe, listen and learn. As we summarized with her, he seemed to be primed for his turn. He did a good job of absorbing and creatively reproducing what he just heard. Surprisingly, he added that he cannot be self disciplined every moment and every day(pleased again and completely understandable). We all agreed on some means as a regular check if they are following self discipline or not. 

Phew! We navigated through that conversation smoothly without remarks like “oh well! our world is different from what you grew up in”, or “Fine ma....but It does’nt work for me” leading the conversation nowhere. 

Over the last few days our approach progressed from Instructions to Questions - “Is this a part of self discipline we agreed?” Consequently, it’s a lot less directing, explaining and saving energy from cause and effect of every action. It triggers a non intrusive transition to action against arguments. The success of this conversation narrowly missing a cul-de-sac, stuck me with ease. Do you see it already? If you said equiry... I would say Bingo! 

It is working! I hope sincerely,  this has a longer shelf life because it has brought a considerable harmony in what is and needs to be.......and reinforced in me the power of questioning, also in parenting.  

The Organizational Terroir

Terroir  in simple words means a terrain. In the context of wine making it is the all encompassing eco system that contributes to the final taste of wine. The fascinating journey of planting  the grapes 🍇 , the sun or rain 🌧 the vines receive and absorb , the stage of ripeness when it is harvested and stored and the innumerable other factors that develop a unique taste of wine.

An organizational terroir has an equal bearing on the final output of every employee. Few organizations are able to harvest different abilities of employees lending a unique output not only  for the employees as individuals but also for their teams and organizations.

Holland In the Summer of 2019

one Of the biggest excitement of moving to France was to see the whole of Europe , something that is praised, looked forward to and has many dream holiday destinations. So when we were planning for the short summer holidays for a week. We chose Holland, called Netherlands now. With the mad rush just before we left we packed just apt for the holiday, a couple of hours before the flight.

We had a pleasant on time flight from Toulouse to Amsterdam. Since my Sil and niece were joining us there , there was a different excitement. That’s my idea of a holiday  - a new place to discover, with family, meeting friends, getting a real taste of the local culture and food. The holiday to Amsterdam and Rotterdam fit all of these perfectly.

We found Amsterdam a city that enthusiastically accommodated many different cultures. We found many Indians everywhere we went which we are not used to in France. We had an Indian couple, old friends settled in Amsterdam for a few years, another family with Indian origin moved there during the Ww II and incidentally met an old college friend and family at the airport while our flight was cancelled and rescheduled for two days later. We also found a lot of Indian food , an authentic one even in Almere which is a small town about 40 Kms from Amsterdam where we were forced to find a hotel when our flight was cancelled. I enjoyed every bit of the desi ness we found around

It was fascinating to discover the history of Amsterdam, how it’s name came to be since it originated from a dam built on the Amstel river , it’s prominence as a port city and all that it brought to the city during the WWll. The country first learnt their tax system from the French. We learnt on the home ground the story of Anne Frank and the pain the Jews experienced seeing through her eyes was indeed touching.

The beauty of the city amidst the hustling and bustling is appealing. With beautiful flowers 💐 everywhere, even on the busiest streets, with the canals and bridges that break the monotony of the busy roads, the beautiful architecture not limited to the centre of the city, is fascinating. The windmills, especially our visit to Zaanse Schaans, a village close to Amsterdam with multiple windmills, green landscape, simple village homes and small industries in some of these village homes 🏘 , took us to a very different world where life seemed, slow, calm and happy 😃. 

We also enjoyed museums around children’s interests Madame Tussads and Body worlds. I particularly enjoyed the elements of what causes us happiness reinforcing from the body worlds messages and must admit that I ignored the body parts and the science behind them, that’s just me choosing what I like better and completely ignoring what I cannot relate to, when both are hand in hand.

The best part of our trip was still to come. After three days in Amsterdam, we were heading to Rotterdam , the second largest port in Holland. It being an industrial city/ more a town,  we weren’t sure what we would do. The best part was our stay at Ss Rotterdam, a real ship that sailed for many decades between Holland and America and is now docked and converted into a Hotel. It was exciting to live on a real ship 🚢. Sitting at the deck each evening to enjoy the evening snack while watching the children play in the pool was a treat and true relaxation.We did a harbour tour and admired the much appreciated architecture of Rotterdam buildings and the beauty of old and new buildings together. The mackerel was a truly eye tonic too with the large food shops underneath. The highlight was Iras birthday with a special cake and interspersed gifts and welcome specially for her from the hotel.It inspired us to plan for a short cruise soon.

While we prepared ourselves to end our beautiful holiday, we had an unexpected surprise of our flight cancellation awaiting us. While it was initially quite stressful with our baggage checked in and no support from the airlines for hotel booking. Finally it wasn’t so difficult and we thoroughly enjoyed the extended two days until the airlines made alternate arrangements for our flight back home.

All in All the trip did all the magic a holiday could do, we came back refreshed , relaxed and happy.

Learn - Unlearn -Relearn ... The Pain and Gain.

While I was having a nice holiday in Amsterdam, I got the news that I failed my practical driving test in France that I attend a couple other of days ago. I moved to France with family about 18 months ago taking a new position with the same company . I allowed a part of my beautiful holiday to be burdened with this disappointment. The feeling of failure stuck to me through all the lovely sights in this beautiful country, meeting friends after many years, good food and new experiences.  I couldn’t place why I failed the test. I scored more than what is required to pass the exam one elementary mistake kept me from getting the license. 

Personally, I was quite impressed with the way I drove during the test. I did most things right. I stayed confident in my mind and actions even though the way we drive in India and France are a world apart. To star with you drive on the left in India while on the right in France. There is hardly any chance one can drive fast in India in city limits, while  you need to keep the speed for the road, fast if its the rule or slow adapting to the real situation in France. In India you cannot drive without one leg on the clutch while it is prohibited to drive in free wheel in France. My personal driving style had its twist while I have never been involved in an accident for a dozen years I’d driving I have been doing.

Despite the differences, I decided to drive within a week after I landed in France due to the necessities as the way I saw it. The weather, the lack of a well connected public transport system and the emotion of a mother having uprooted her children from all the luxuries of the home country were the main ones. Making sense of the roads, the road signs, the roundabouts and the right hand drive together was a mess and a true nightmare making me sleepless. The fear lurched like I was a new driver for nearly 8 months until I prepared for my theory test learning all the rules and finally succeeded in the theory test in French.

I saw this video on riding a backwards brain cycle  Get smarter every day 133 by Destin while attending a workshop in Innovation a few months ago.It didn’t make sense to me until I was reflecting after failing the test. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend you do.(https://www.google.fr/search?q=riding+a+backwards+brain+cycle++Get+smarter+every+day+133&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-fr&

Coming back to the disappointment from failure. I had an aha when I related to this video and realized, possibly justified that my brain has a pattern developed for driving that works on breaking than speeding, on limited coverage of blind angles than an exhaustive one. Though I know cognitively I need to apply some new rules, my brain unconsciously retracts back to my old pattern of driving. 

Unlearning is of course about new information and knowledge. It is also about allowing your brain to form new patterns that it can reference back to. It is being conscious that the brain can go back to old patterns and the risks associated with it.It is about being patient with oneself and letting the process take place. When we make a place for disappointments in the process of unlearning and relearning, our energy is focused elsewhere but the right thing. After this the entire heartburn mellowed, and the acceptance is better.

Ira - The last and the next inspiration again

Been so looooooooooong Ira is now 3 yrs, 4 mnths to be precise and I can still write about her as much or more cos she does much more now. The latest big change in all our lives is the expected new addition to the family... yes we are expecting a sibling for Ira. Life for me has been different(dare say difficult.. I want to respect and honour the lil one growing within me). We shared this Ira about a month ago and it took her a little while to understand what it means. We took her to the last sonography and showed her how the baby loves and looks. Now a month later she kisses my tummy umpteen times , sometimes I am not prepared for it. A couple of weeks ago , she got two 3 inch denim cuttings shaped as trousers and tells me that these are for the little baby.Later I called her school to find how she got these and her teacher told me they spread out different textures on the table and Ira picked these for herself.I was touched beyond expression..... I carry the cut outs in my wallet.

These days she is willing to share the dry fruits, curd and others with the baby( read me). She is influencing Ishi(my sis's daughter) that she asked her mama for a baby and she is getting one soon, Ishi must do the same! I hope sandhya does not think of an option of leaving Ishi at another place when her daycare closes for holidays.

Ira is bossy with her friends and tender with her baby dolls, she is extremely soft while negotiating what she wants and aggressive when she is right.I think She has my looks and kal's behaviour (I had prayed likewise when I was expecting her)my mom agrees! She calls herself Akka already and asks me to narrate to the baby what she is doing and that she is doing good things, already buttering for an impression:-). Soon after she sits in my lap, I hear her saying, I dont want to press the baby and then she moves away.....

I was a little scared and touchy.. listening to all sibling rivalry stories, and the difficulty to accept the new born siblings. Ira is making it amusing and enjoyable for us ,atleast we are not fretting over how will she accomodate but on others about will she let me feed , bathe and dress the baby or would want to do it all by Na-Self( she refers to doing things by herself as "Na-Self", Na meaning mine in telugu).

She knows the baby is due in June so she has now progressed to asking "will the baby come out tonight to when the baby comes in June we will do this this this..." She has definitely been our inspiration to have another baby and to again experience the joy of parenting and to both.