Learn - Unlearn -Relearn ... The Pain and Gain.

While I was having a nice holiday in Amsterdam, I got the news that I failed my practical driving test in France that I attend a couple other of days ago. I moved to France with family about 18 months ago taking a new position with the same company . I allowed a part of my beautiful holiday to be burdened with this disappointment. The feeling of failure stuck to me through all the lovely sights in this beautiful country, meeting friends after many years, good food and new experiences.  I couldn’t place why I failed the test. I scored more than what is required to pass the exam one elementary mistake kept me from getting the license. 

Personally, I was quite impressed with the way I drove during the test. I did most things right. I stayed confident in my mind and actions even though the way we drive in India and France are a world apart. To star with you drive on the left in India while on the right in France. There is hardly any chance one can drive fast in India in city limits, while  you need to keep the speed for the road, fast if its the rule or slow adapting to the real situation in France. In India you cannot drive without one leg on the clutch while it is prohibited to drive in free wheel in France. My personal driving style had its twist while I have never been involved in an accident for a dozen years I’d driving I have been doing.

Despite the differences, I decided to drive within a week after I landed in France due to the necessities as the way I saw it. The weather, the lack of a well connected public transport system and the emotion of a mother having uprooted her children from all the luxuries of the home country were the main ones. Making sense of the roads, the road signs, the roundabouts and the right hand drive together was a mess and a true nightmare making me sleepless. The fear lurched like I was a new driver for nearly 8 months until I prepared for my theory test learning all the rules and finally succeeded in the theory test in French.

I saw this video on riding a backwards brain cycle  Get smarter every day 133 by Destin while attending a workshop in Innovation a few months ago.It didn’t make sense to me until I was reflecting after failing the test. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend you do.(https://www.google.fr/search?q=riding+a+backwards+brain+cycle++Get+smarter+every+day+133&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-fr&

Coming back to the disappointment from failure. I had an aha when I related to this video and realized, possibly justified that my brain has a pattern developed for driving that works on breaking than speeding, on limited coverage of blind angles than an exhaustive one. Though I know cognitively I need to apply some new rules, my brain unconsciously retracts back to my old pattern of driving. 

Unlearning is of course about new information and knowledge. It is also about allowing your brain to form new patterns that it can reference back to. It is being conscious that the brain can go back to old patterns and the risks associated with it.It is about being patient with oneself and letting the process take place. When we make a place for disappointments in the process of unlearning and relearning, our energy is focused elsewhere but the right thing. After this the entire heartburn mellowed, and the acceptance is better.

Ira - The last and the next inspiration again

Been so looooooooooong Ira is now 3 yrs, 4 mnths to be precise and I can still write about her as much or more cos she does much more now. The latest big change in all our lives is the expected new addition to the family... yes we are expecting a sibling for Ira. Life for me has been different(dare say difficult.. I want to respect and honour the lil one growing within me). We shared this Ira about a month ago and it took her a little while to understand what it means. We took her to the last sonography and showed her how the baby loves and looks. Now a month later she kisses my tummy umpteen times , sometimes I am not prepared for it. A couple of weeks ago , she got two 3 inch denim cuttings shaped as trousers and tells me that these are for the little baby.Later I called her school to find how she got these and her teacher told me they spread out different textures on the table and Ira picked these for herself.I was touched beyond expression..... I carry the cut outs in my wallet.

These days she is willing to share the dry fruits, curd and others with the baby( read me). She is influencing Ishi(my sis's daughter) that she asked her mama for a baby and she is getting one soon, Ishi must do the same! I hope sandhya does not think of an option of leaving Ishi at another place when her daycare closes for holidays.

Ira is bossy with her friends and tender with her baby dolls, she is extremely soft while negotiating what she wants and aggressive when she is right.I think She has my looks and kal's behaviour (I had prayed likewise when I was expecting her)my mom agrees! She calls herself Akka already and asks me to narrate to the baby what she is doing and that she is doing good things, already buttering for an impression:-). Soon after she sits in my lap, I hear her saying, I dont want to press the baby and then she moves away.....

I was a little scared and touchy.. listening to all sibling rivalry stories, and the difficulty to accept the new born siblings. Ira is making it amusing and enjoyable for us ,atleast we are not fretting over how will she accomodate but on others about will she let me feed , bathe and dress the baby or would want to do it all by Na-Self( she refers to doing things by herself as "Na-Self", Na meaning mine in telugu).

She knows the baby is due in June so she has now progressed to asking "will the baby come out tonight to when the baby comes in June we will do this this this..." She has definitely been our inspiration to have another baby and to again experience the joy of parenting and to both.

Ira High

I am high on Ira, my one year old. I am like any other parent , need no conversation starter to talk about her. I do ask my self if I talk too much about her but cant care to listen to the response and regulate accordingly.One of my neighbour's once commented that kids are sweet nuisance and while I dont agree with the phrase altogether, I do with it in parts either sweet or nuisance at their own convenience. Well this on Ira - She is an adult in a child of 1 year, she loves going ot the day care and gently reassures new bees when they cry on theri first day. She means to be an example to them.. she didnt cry on her first day to the day care or ever later, was possibly awaiting freedom to fun, rhyming and her first level socializing lessons.

Some of things that she now does that amaze me

Nods her head visorously when she doesn'nt want any more to be fed.. Gosh i realise she has learnt to say no!

The Ugly face of Terrorism

One of my earliest remembrances of a bomb blast are those when a human bomb killed Rajiv Gandhi. I was little and failed to convince my senses about why would anyone want to kill others including oneself? I had heard of suicides and of murders but this was incomprehensible. I still have vivid memories of the images on TV that can create the same melancholy it did at that point of time..Parts of body shattered, lumps of flesh with blood flowing as if it was muddy water thrown away cos there can be nothing better that can be done with it. Parents and relatives mourning not able to come to terms with the reality that too harsh to accept.

The day before yester was one of the latest ugly blasts in Hyderabad, my home town. Two blasts one in Lumbini Park during a Laser show and the other at Gokul Chaat, a favourite fast food center in one of the busiest markets of Hyderabad. I had been to both places on several occasions few years ago. I felt I could have been at either of the two spots or any of my dear ones…. Not that the 40 of who died in the blast bring any less disgust to me. I am angry inside and sad at the increasing terrorism and how it affects us the common man. We are no way responsible for terrorism and terrorism intrudes our peaceful days and stares disturbingly into our faces or are we by not standing up and reacting to it? I have’nt changed from what I thought as a child “ why whould anyone want to kill so may innocent people in a way that their lives are never the same and marr the life of so many others, causing words like trust, belief, brotherhood and tolerence to become obsolete. I want to do something with my anger and frustration and grief … I don’t see how? We have been tolerating terrorism for long just too long. I say we have tolerated because nothing has changed, no signs of mitigating what is happening… only fear and insecurity of getting to a more detetorating situation. Thinking that making a change to the situation is beyond my circle of influence may be an easy excuse out … I want to make a change… How?

The Malay Expereince

The first trip abroad together was exciting, enjoyable and truly experiential. To summarize it was a time for once where we had nothing to crib about / wait for /wanted more than what we actually had at the moment:-)

A few highlights
- We fuggot to take the hotel Voucher, realized this as soon as we fastened our seatbelt in bangalore..... felt like an Ass only ;-), kept fingers and toes crossed hoping we would be let in, that too considering the stay was free..
- We met Bobby, a family friend we had never met before and called him “Bobby”, only to realize later that he was our uncle’s age (apparently that’s the family friend connection) and had three sons, the eldest being an adult..
- I got my first swimming lessons from Kal, he said my body was easily floating and I could learn fast... and then swimming stopped at that!
- We had a lovely Vegetarian lunch by Bobby’s wife and son, who struggled to put together a pure veg lunch for us. We both ate as if we were stranded away from India for months (It was less than 48 hours since we had a pukka desi dinner before we left India)
- We had a leafy Vegetable curry in an Indian buffet, which was named Karela Baigan (Bittergourd and Brinjal / egg plant) and had neither in it. Probably both were silent like K in knife
- I bought shoes, bags, accessories, clothes and something for everyone in the family and Kal bought “none”, well that’s usual J
- We memorized Batuk Bintang (name of a shopping mall) like nobody’s business and used it to say everything we wanted by substituting it with any word in our conversation
- We saw the Kings palace which was not half as lit as any of the other buildings / Malls in KL. Apparently the King is only a nominal head and had no distractive power… silent like K yes but not in Knife but in Knew;-)..
- One thing I heard about Chinese that I really liked. Only their hair is straight Ha Ha ha
- Heeeeeeeeeeeee How can I forget the fruits that we tasted.. Doku, Mangostein and Durian (The king of fruits), looks like Jackfruit and tastes like Yuck! Kal was absolutely sporty! He had 2-3 pieces and me played safe and clever had a pinch and that is enough for a lifetime… It is the favorite of most guys in Malaysia
- The most beautiful part was visiting” The palace of the Golden Horses” a five star where Bobby is the Director – Sales. We had the feeling of having stayed there. Had breakfast for two days and not to mention dinner in the Indian restaurant “ SAGAR” in the same hotel. It is truly a palace in Morocco style. True to its name you would find a horse statue everywhere. Its restaurants all horse images, one of them being a Seahorse. Even the flooring has horseshoes on it… Magnificent and Amazing. There is also a beach property by the same group about 3-4 Kms away around a man made lake, which sweeps you off from earth and takes to a different world of beauty, peace and luxury.
- Somebody get married quickly… I want to gift a honeymoon package here… truly memorable for a life time
- Got to Genting which is a fantasy in itself, there are 5 hotels in total – First world (the largest hotel in the world) and theme Park (3 star), The Resort (4 Star), Hotel Genting and Hotel Highlands (5 star) and a theme Park. All these are inter connected. Aha not by road ……You never have to get on to the road to reach any of these.
- This Genting group of companies operates in five industry sectors – Lanco Power (operates in India) and Star Cruises belong to this group.
- The overall reminisce of the Malaysia Trip is a beautiful country, well planned, disciplined, Loads of greenery, inexpensive and affordable housing, Appalling variety for shopping at reasonable prices (don’t read as cheapJ) A place we experienced a lot of warmth from Bobby, Perry and Peter.
- A great time to remember and only a beginning to experience the NEW!